On the other hand, her use of psychoanalysis to explain much of this condition got downright annoying. I appreciated her use of literature, not because I thought she had a great understanding of the literature, but because the characters she chooses to personify these feelings are much more fleshed out than her human case studies who are probably too embarassed to be as honest as an author hiding behind his or her characters. She does an excellent job of showing how being a perfect mother is disasterous to mother and child, extoles the "good enough mother" and explains the emotions that women often try very hard to ignore and deny. One the one hand, I appreciated her discussion of a topic that is all to often ignored, especially by women. It seems appropriate that my feelings about this book are mixed. She uses examples from her own clinical experience and literature. She shows the good and the bad of maternal ambivalence, from motherlove and self-sacrifice to child murderers and narcissistic mothers. Rather than say this is unique to "bad mothers," Almond disects and demonstrates the ways that all women have this form of ambivalence. Almond writes in detail about a specific type of ambivalence-maternal ambivalence-in which mothers or mothers-to-be can both love and hate, fear and fetishize, or disdain and desire children. Highly recommended.Īmbivalence is the ability to hold two completely contrasting emotions about an object or person at the same time. Her compassion and honesty make this very tough subject a good read. Hats off to the author for a real triumph of integration: literature, case history, and vignettes of contemporary society. I highly recommend this book to women at any stage of life, and to the bewildered men in their lives who are often left on the sidelines observing the raw biology of new motherhood, not realizing they are watching the evolution of a new self, messy but amazingly creative. It was illuminating to read how natural the mixed feelings are. Friends and colleagues were gushing with excitement, while I felt as though I had barely escaped the long years of motherhood - why all the glorification? So reading this book felt like graduating into adulthood, no matter how belated. When I was about to become a grandmother, I was startled when I discovered how strong my ambivalence was. Looking back, I realize I was lucky enough to have a wide circle of older friends, fellow day-care parents, and a husband who could take almost anything with a grain of salt, and a good dose of humor.īut here's where the surprise lay.
At times it seemed there would never be a time without small children needing everything! As much as I reveled in pregnancy, nursing, and all the small joys of raising children, I am sure I must have often felt confused and even embarrassed by the mixed feelings I had at time. Barbara Almond's wonderful phrase "the ubiquity of maternal ambivalence" was a great insight for me as I read, and looked back on my own years of motherhood.
0 kommentar(er)
